Here, for your postmodern amusement, is a transcription of a tragic love affair, between me and the russian mob. I've gotten these sorts of messages before, and it amazes me that they take the time to send four or five full-length emails before they actually ask for money. Also, though they sometimes respond to the content of the emails, they clearly don't read them or understand them, because I was threatening them the whole way through. Weird.
I searched online, and I discovered that you can find the exact text of these emails on sites about Russian scams. Search for the woman's name on google and you'll see. The truly interesting thing is that some complete morons have sent these people money. Really. People are that dumb.
From: Zinaida Sharipova
Date: Thu, 4 May 2006 08:37:24 +0600
Hello my friend
I am so happy to see that you have decided to reply,I see it is very short letter.It is all right because you are astonished to get my letter. I want you to know that I have only good intentions and I have not any secrets. The thing is that I will work in your country for three months or so and I would like to meet a nice man to fall in love or just be closest friends. I don't want to live in Russia because I have not any chances here,it is hardly possible to explain from first time but I want you to know my plans.I will work in any shop, bar or restaurant the agency that i am going through will suggest me some locations. It will be my choice in the end as to what option to go for. So I will have a simple work till I improve my English. And I can choose any town of your area,agency will only help me to get a visa and all travel documents + some suggested placed to work in. My best friend last year met the man from the USA when she worked there for three months, too. She had two jobs. From morning till 4 pm she worked in amusement park and after it she worked as a waitress in some bar till midnight. She was very tired of course but made very good money there. It is special programm for young people who wants to work abroad and I think it is the right way for me ,I am lost here,and I think that I look pretty enough to find a better place .I want to repeat the same way,it is only my chance to meet a nice man.I want to work in USA or in Europe or any nice country. I am full of plans and different dreams and I want to share my life with good man because I'm also full of love and tenderness,I know that I am not so beautiful like Hollywood Princess but I do hope to meet my Prince and I am sure he will be not be disappoined to meet me in the real life! This is why I am going to go through the same way. Well,I will close this letter and I do hope to get your reply. I will leave russia in two weeks or so (I can't tell you everything exactly right now) and I would like to be sure that I have the man who waits for me there. I will work all day and I want to find a man to spend all free time together to get to know each other better.if you have any interest to meet me I will be more than happy to meet you too. I will tell you all details about me and my life if you like my pictures and want to meet me! please send picture of you too!!! Now I write you from my personal mailbox, please write me back here and here only. I will be checking it often. Kiss you ,Zinaida (this is my name)! p.s I think you will be asking me about where I found your e-mail I found your e-mail in the adress book in internet cafe and decided write to you
Sure you found my address book in internet cafe. I think you found it one one of those 'seeking swingers' sites that I so liberally sign up for.
Darling Zinaida! What a lovely name you have. It reminds me of the sheep-herding women of the urals, who weave woollen coats with their breasts and can dance for days! It is a good sign to find a woman who has a good name, it shows that she is fit for child bearing. I hope you are able to get away from Russia, I hear it is a sad place where often men have three nipples and women grow hair on their noses. I would not want something like that to befall you. I do hope you will come to visit when you come here. I think that you could stay in one of the buildings that I have reserved for russian women like you. It is true that you are not beautiful like a princess, but it is ok, because I can tell you have a good heart and will make a strong profit. I will be travelling in europe all summer, but my man servant, manfred, should be able to show you around and put you to good service in the trade while I am away. When I return, maybe I will sample your wares. Here is a picture of me. It is from my modeling career. I am sometimes afraid I am too handsome, but I hope you don't think so. I hope to hear from you soon. Send money and flowers and your room and board will be reserved until you start to make a profit.
I write such good nonsense. It's so tragic that they never read it.
Hello my dear Jean, thank you for your kind letter! At first I think I have to say that I am new in cyber space and I have only good intentions. you should know that I am not very good writer in english,please be patient to read my messages and see many mistakes.to be fair I don't know what you want to know about me,in principle I am usual girl.I think I should tell you about me, my interests,tastes and hobbies.I think I will tell you about things I want to know about you and you will know my future questions. I am 25 years old,my birthday is 11 of July. I so much don't want to get older ,when I can see old women I am getting crazy to think that it is my future .I do all the best to keep my youth and I keep my body well.In spite of all difficultes here I am trying to be in good condition and I do a lot of exercises to be in good shape! I am about 174 cm tall (5.7) and my weight is about 56 kg. I've been told I look well enough , and I think that all women have own beaty. I have never been married and I don`t have chldren. I have one youngest sisters and it is great problem for us because we have only two rooms flat.you can't imagine what does it mean to be born in small town in Russia,there are not any chances to live well,to get a good job.All young people leave towns to search great luck in big cities but nobody waits for them there. I want to leave Russia,I know it sounds ugly but I know that I will be lost here like many young girls before me. It is not place to grow children and have stable future.I want to meet my right man . I think in future I can work as fitness trainer I have a certificate. My mother is my great problem too,she has a great dream to see me married and she wants to make me happy but I think it is only my business I am not a little child. She tells me every day that I should get married very soon... To be fair I am not sure I am able to explain all in first message I want to say so much! I just want you to know that I am not afraid to work,I am fairly goal oriented and I am sure you will be not disappoined to meet me in real life.I am going to spend three months abroad to work in any good place,agency promises to help me because it is only the way I can leave Russia.I will have all documents to travel in a few days and i will travel to moscow then,from moscow I will travel to you and they ask me about name of the city i am going to work,if you don't mind to meet me please tell me the name of your city and nearest international airport! I will book my flight from moscow! I think it would be so great to meet my love and stay there forever.I know that it is not so easy like I think but I think it is possible that I meat my real love. I want to love and to be loved I want to build our own happiness,only me and my man there. I don't smoke,I tried to smoke when I was younger.I may have a glass of red dry vine,sometimes it helps to relax. I try to take care of my body and face. I know it is all I have. My soul may have any itnterst for you later, I thinkso.I am not a little girl and I know that at first almost all men look at body ,legs and face.God created males such persons. Well,I think I am lost in my letter,I am not sure you understand my goals,please feel free to ask. I live in Russia,town Berdsk, Suvorova 15-34,it is near big industrial city Novosibirsk ,Siberia. My town is rather far from Moscow. Moscow is a capital of my country. I want you to reply if you understand my mind,my intentions,my soul,if not please reply too,I will continue my searching. Well,I will close this letter,I think you are tired to read it.and If you think that I should write shorter letters please tell me. I write from internet cafe in Novosibirsk because there are not cafes and possibility to use internet in my small town,we have 4 digital phone number and we can't call abroad.Even to call in any big town here in Russia I have to order the call in advance.and I would like to say please don't worry if I keep silence sometimes I have no time to travel ,it is about 50 minutes by bus from my town till Novosibirsk! Please tell me more about you,your tastes,likes and dislikes .also I have a few impotant questions----do you like strong drinks too much?can you be very drunk?very ofthen?can you be rude with women? Well,I have to stop or I will write without ending.Kiss you !see you later. In my next e-mail I will write you more things about myself and more details about my trip and work.
You are so sweet, I could cover you in strawberry cream cheese and lick it from all your crevices! I think you are speaking english very fine. Do not be shy to use your mouth and to talk whatever you want to. You are in luck, because I will be in budapest this summer, looking for beautiful russian women to add to my household. From what I have seen, you are one of the most beautiful russian women on the Internets. I hope your pictures, they do not lie. As I say, I will be in budapest, and maybe you could come visit and show me how you clean and cook and do the job of the blow. If you seem like a good woman, I will take you with me to america, where all the bidets are made of solid gold. It is good that you are a fitness trainer, my countrymen always need more fitness. It is also useful to be flexible, so that you may ride the horses and the jet planes and other things. I am a simple man. Life has given me many blessings, and I am happy for it. Among my hobbies are snakes, salad and airplanes. I also sometimes like to dress in mufti and take the tram among the common folk. I am not a violent man, so do not worry, my little turtledove of the volga. I know that women are sometimes wayward and need to be given a firm hand, but I am fair with my women. I do not drink too much, as it weakens the constitution. I do hope that you can come stay in budapest for the summer, we can see the opera and make love in the danube. It will be like childhood again, like when you are a little girl and your father helps you shave for the first time. Oh, and please do send more pictures. I love the ones I have so far, and I think they will do well to help you advertise yourself.
'when your father helps you shave for the first time?' c'mon.
Hello my lovely knight in the shining armor,
I am so glad to see your letter again,I think I am a lucky girl to meet such man and I will do my best to meet you in real life! you know I can work in any city of your area because it is free choice and agency only helps me to get only travel documents (work visa)and ticket, and I do hope that we will like each other and now I have the destination. The agency will also suggest some places to work in. I do hope I have met my right man!you know I have told you before one of my friend worked abroad last year and have met right man,now they live there and they are going to marry. by the way now they are arranging the trip to Russia,(he wants to meet her parents and friends)I think if I feel that you are my dream and you have the same feelings we could think about our future together. if not I will just work and return back when the time to travel back. you know I am new here and I am afraid to make any mistake. I have one great lack,I am very impatient sometimes I can act without thinking. Sometimes I think that my dream is getting for real and it is so bad to be disappointed later. I want you to know all small things about me because it shouldn't be any misunderstandings between us. I want you to know that I am not angel and sometimes I can show my character.And I don't wait that you to be angel too, I just want to meet a kind man . I am very kind and I can forgive almost all I can't forgive if my man sleep with different woman, I don't know many nessesary words in english. I hope you can read between lines. A little more about myself! I've been modeling for some time. I am sending you my professional photos. my favorite activity is swimming. I like to swim in the Swimming pool very much. I wish we had the sea here! I like the sea! We have the sea near us but it is very cold one and It is impossible to swim. We do have some lakes though. Sometimes I think that I was the fish in past life. I wanted to be as swim trainer but I've been told that I will have ugly body with too wide shoulders. I finished The Novosibirskiy State Univercity, trainers faculty as fitness trainer but I don't work on my profession because there are no good fintess clubs in my city, I used to sit at home and to do all housework,helping my mom. I would like to have good job,I may work dancing teacher, or trainer of fitness,you know I have a certificate. I worked as a trainer a year ago . and I would like to do it again .you know how many more younger girls want to get this job too!Alot of competition here. I want to tell you about things I like: I like to make barbecue and I so much want to have my own home with fireplace. usually I make very tasty ones and in principle I like to cook and it is not problem for me to cook something tasty and I don't like to visit cafes and restaurants ,at first usually they can't cook weel(maybe only here) and second too high price. I like warm weather. and my great dream is to live somewhere on tropical island. Also I want to tell you about my dislikes: I hate our long winters it seems to me they will never end. I hate lies and unfaithfulness. I hate evil people and politicans I think they like to play wars, I hate any wars. What I like in a man: faithfulness, honesty. He has to be open- minded and open-hearted, also easy-going. and much more important he is kind,kindness makes our world! are you kind????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? I think my man should be kind ,it is great feeling after love,only kind person may be happy,all rude people are unhappy. or must be. A few questions yet, agency tells that I will have a room in nearest hotel near my future work but if we like each other may be is it possible to live together? I think we will enjoy life together. do you have your car?animals? I can't drive and I do hope you give me a few lessons, to be fair I have so many plans .I will find out all travel details about my flight this week. I will leave my town today in a two hours and i think I will be not able to write to you today or so. When I am in Moscow I will send you short letter to let you know that I am all right and they tell that it takes about two days to get all nesseary papers, please confirm your phone number and international airport, I want to be sure I have all your details and Please don't look at different girls. I am the best(joke). Well, I will close this letter I think I am bore today,and please feel free to ask. See you soon!I can't believe everything is for real. to be fair I am lost and my head is like any big station with a lot of voice! KISS and LOVE Zinaida!
My sweet buttercup, I am no knight in shining armor, I am just a simple man, and I am flattered that you think I look good on a horse. Do not worry yourself. Here is a picture of some money. To prove I am serious, I will give it to you ten times when you step off the plane into the train station. You will not have to worry about a thing. I will have my personal shopper buy you any wild-animal-print leggings you desire, pink lip gloss, high collared shirts and the good things that I know women from your country enjoy. I am glad you are not a professional swimmer. I once knew a girl who swam every day, and she had no hair anywhere on her body, except for her head. Her shoulders were so muscular that I had to turn her over when we made love so that I could imagine she was a young man. I am glad you are not like that. You are very pretty, sometimes I dream that I could set you in lucite and put you in a special room with my other trophies, only to stare at you for hours on end. It is only a dream. I will not dissapoint you, I am not the man to sleep with different women at once. I only will sleep in bed with one woman, and I will be done with her before I would do it with another women. What about you? Do you like only one man or are you like catherine the great of your country who made a bed to accomodate 8 young men and a stallion? I am open minded, and as long as you no longer work for pay with russian mob, and as long as you are not friends with gypsy, then I will be kind to you. My favorite movies are silence of the lambs, psycho, manhunter, ed gein and the sound of music. What are your favorite movies? I have many cars, but I prefer to travel by litter, carried by strapping young men. Does this suit you? I hope you will send me your professional photos soon, I look forward to seeing them and using them through the internets. Since you like warm places, I have included a picture of me in a warm place with a mango. I am very sweaty and manly, I hope you are liking mangos.
Oh, and let me know if you still wish to call me by the phone.
In order to not offend the sensibilities of people who don't want to see me naked on a beach holding a mango, I haven't included this photo
Jean dear hello,
it is me again and I want you to know that you can't imagine how happy I am. I have a schedule of my flight.you can't imagine how much crazy Moscow is. It is great fear to live here I think so!Our small town is more friendly . well,about our business, I tasted my blood,such rule for foreign visitors wanting to visit your country!Thanks God I am in good health, all of my tests are all right,I only need some vitamins I think it is the bad foods and long winters problem.I have to eat much more fruits and vegetables.The doctor said! well,here is all info ,I do hope we will together in a few days! Info from agenc
Information for Zinaida Sharipova 'STour',Petrov Roman.5670768 Moscow,Lenina street 120,office 25. Date of departure : 05.18 Please use our service . Best regards.Manager Petrov Roman. Price: USD 1190.0
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Honey I am so glad to see that I am almost near my goal,and our meeting wait for us. I think I will call you from airport and I will wait for you there so long as you need,I mean if you need any time to arrive in airport. it is not problem to wait there because I know that it is the end of my trip and I have time to improve my condition(some parfume)after long jorney.I want you to see me in good shape! I think everything will be all right.Rather I am sure everything will be all right!. My Dear, they have told in travel office that I have to show tickets when I will visit embassy after tomorrow before my flight. People from embassy must be sure that I am not going to stay illegally in your country and I have tickets with returning data.it is very strong rule. I have some money but my flight from Novosibirsk to Moscow costed so much(about 400$) because so many kilometrs from there to Moscow. I didn't guess that tickets costs so much. and I have to book tickets till in less than 2 days ,because of my interview. May be you could borrow some money?I am sure I will be able to return it back in a few weeks after my arriving I will earn some money and at first to return all money to you. in Agency they have told me that you may send it by Western Union. It is pretty easy to use. The guy from the agency explained to me how their system works. It is instant worldwide money transfer system. All you need is my name and my surname to send me the money. Once you do this , I'll be able to pickup the money in any local Western Unuion office in Moscow. We need to do it pretty fast, because we have no time till my intervew,if everything will be all right I will be on this flight! I have about 550 US dollars yet and I think I need about 700 US dollars from your side with all travel needs and living here till my flight!If everything will be all right between us I can stay with you longer than three months,maximum I can stay about 6 months for first time! We should change only the date of my returning flight. Or I can return earlier if something is wrong! Here is more info about Western Union. You find any local Western Union agent, go there and send money to my name. Western Union will ask you for my full name and address in Moscow where I am staying at. Once you give them all the info they will initiate the transfer. In just less than 10 minutes I will be able to pick the money up at any Western Union agent here in moscow. you will send me transfer info and MTCN( money transfer control number ) I will get cash. So I will need your full name and your address + the control number of the transfer. Kiss you many times ,I am tired today,you know it is hard enough to be in foreign city. So many different emotions . Kiss you many times! Zinaida! see you soon! Ah, silly me. Nearly forgot to give you my full name info and my address. My address here (the flat i am renting) is Russia,Moscow ,Tolstoy sreet,build 57 flat 104. (right writting in English) Zinaida Sharipova! I am sorry to send so dry letter but it seems to me I am like any drunker I have lost my mind and my head works so badly,see you tomorrow. I am sorry to make so many problems for you I only hope that you will be not disappoined to meet me.
Finally! The money email. But whose passport is that?
Oh, my dear Zinaida,
It is so sweet that you read my letters so carefully. Many women do not read carefully and then they misunderstand, but not you. Your mind is like a beautiful russian laser beam with giant bouncing breasts. I cannot wait to see you in the person and discuss things as we float down the danube on inflatable rafts, eating grapes. Do not worry, my little ivana, money is of no object to me. I do not want you to worry for a thing. In fact, I think I shall send you a few hundred dollars more for you to spend on nice things before you arrive. Is $1500 enough? I hope that you will be happy. I know it is a small sum, but we will see each other in just a few days and then you shall want for nothing. You will be massaged by swans while you sleep in a bed of ripened fruits. As I have said before, I have many friends in Moscow. I shall have my business associate, Petr, give you the money. As I have said, he used to work for the state security, I believe you called it the GRU, and he now deals with private firms such as mine. You can meet him tomorrow, may 14th, at 11:55 in the evening and he will give you the cash. You must be prompt, because he is a very busy man, and he is doing this as a personal favor for me. To meet him, simply go to the novaja daroga bridge. He knows what you are looking like, from the many photos his organization has taken of you for me, each one more beautiful than the last. He will find you and give you the money then. You can tell which one he is, because he will be wearing a hat. I cannot wait to see you, I hope that your days are filled with happiness until we meet.
The bridge I'm sending them to is way on the outside of moscow. I think my plan is brilliant, like when I send the ebay scammers to the secret service, but it doesn't seem like they even read this one. Sigh
I need 700$ to pay for the round trip ticket. Departure date is scheduled for May,18. But I really need to pay for this ticket asap so I can show it to the embassy. Nobody can't help me with money because my family and friends have already given all of the money which they hadI knew you would help, you are such a clever man! Trust me , you want regret. I'll do my best to please you. ............
Was this one last try? I guess I didn't scare her/him with the story about state security
My darling Zinaida,
I am a fair man, but I must admit I am baffled that you did not rendevous with my friend last night. He waited over an hour for you, but you never showed. I was worried that you were in trouble, so I have had the security services put an alert out for you. If you can just stay in the place where you are using the internet, they can find you and take you into protective custody to make sure that nothing bad happens to you before your flight. I have paid them well to take care of you, please do not dissapoint me again. I would not want to have to put you in my pool of normal girls, the ones who displease me and do not make any money. I am sure this will not happen, because you are my sweet russian angel. Please call the security services right away and let them know where you are. They will arrange to pay for your plane ticket. If you are using a computer for more than 5 minutes, they will be able to find you as well, my little cupcake, so stay online! I cannot wait for you to be my love captive!
So, I think that's it. My goal was to make them scared that the FSB were going to show up the next time they went online. Who can say if it worked, but I haven't heard from them since. Russians are conspiracy minded, so they just might have bought it...If nothing else, some fine, fine prose came out of this exchange
...wait! It continues. She wrote me back, saying how heartbroken she was that I hadn't fallen for the scam
I was so naive to understand that everything could be so easy. I was under impression that everything is almost done. It is only my fault. Silly me. I have no choice now but going back to Novosibirsk. I am so sick. I am going back to Novosibirk in 2 days. I will email you when I feel better.
So, I had a theory. I sent this message that had nothing to do with a money transfer, but I put a money tranfer number (fake) in at the end
I do not know what you were doing! Why did you not take the money I sent you? Why must you be so stubborn? I have tried to be helpful, and I have tried to send you money, but you will not take it. Do you hate me? Have you read my letters? I am always honest in my business dealings, and I do not know why you did not collect the money I have sent. Although I feel great love for you in my loin, I believe that may be this is for the best. These days, the women who are the best are very large. It has become the custom among my people to pay for women by the pound, and I am afraid you would not make very much money. I think it would be best if you return to your town for a while and eat many lentils and lard until you weigh more. You have large breasts, but I want the rest of you to be large as well. I hope you can solve your problems, until then, I will have to satisfy my desire with the wholly unattractive women of Budapest. It is a sacrifice, but sometimes one must make sacrifices.
Hello, my sweetheart, Jean! How are you? I want to say thank you very much foe your help, I promise when I will come to you you will happy with me :) You gave me MTCN, but I must to know your full name I will wait your answer Kiss,yours Zinaida
First of all, holy shit, where do they get these freaky pictures? See the picture above with the plastic pelican. My theory was confirmed. They had not really been reading the messages, just scanning for a western union money transfer control number. At the same time, it was odd, since they had clearly read enough to reply with my name (jean) and comment on the sexy picture I sent.
My sweet zinaida,
How lovely your picture is, and I like to see your goose. I am afraid though, that you might not be serious. If we are to be together, I want to have some proof that you will be mine. Please, if you will, send me a picture of you with no clothing, so that I may count your nipples and know that you will be mine. After all, you have seen me and my mango, and you know that I have nothing to hide. Then I will send you my full name and we will be together in bliss and happiness.
Hello, my sweetheart, Jean! How are you? I want that you trust me and not doubt of me. I know,that you are not rich man and that 700$ it is so much. But I can be helped only by you. You have given hope for the future and I am believed you. You are unique person which can realize my dream. After I shall come to you and I will find a job, after few months I will back all your money, I am promise. Only I ask you, give me chance to embody dream. Please,help me with money. I will make you happy!!!! Sorry, but I don't have nude photos, but I promise when I will come to you, you will seeit Kiss and love,yours Zinaida
I can see it now, they're thinking, 'Shit! we should have gotten a woman with naked pictures!' But of course they don't have them, and I can't think of an errand to make them run in Moscow. Just for fun, I include another mtcn in my next email, but I haven't heard back yet
My rutting goat of st. petersburgh -
Have you not read any of my letters? I am afraid you are blinded by love. I am a rich man, a very rich man. Have you not seen the policemen I have sent to follow you to make sure you are safe? Have you not noticed that I have devices installed on your internet to keep the lines secure? However, my work is not complete without a nude photo. Without a nude photo, we cannot enter into a business negotiation and there will be no furs and massages and romantic evenings. In order to defray the costs of the photography, I have put one thousand dollars into a new western union account for you. Once you have sent me just one picture of your lithe, slavic body, I will give you my full name and you may take the one thousand dollars and do with it as you wish. I am a fair man, but my business is demanding, and I expect the very best of my girls.
with oodles of poodles,
The new mctn: 905-652-8116
Hello,my love, Jean! How are you? Tell me please, honey, are you play with me in a cat of a mousy. If you don't trust me, why are you to continue conversations with me? I no understand. So tell me that you will not help me and it will be end. Because I don't have opportunities to arrive to you. You told me that you are rich man, so you can arrive to Moscow and take away me with yourself then you will be convinced, that I present. As to naked photos, excuse me, but I am not prostitute to be photographed naked. Good luck!!!
OK, I get the idea, you only pose in your underwear next to giant fiberglass penguins. Not naked. Fair enough
Oh, my sweet zinaida,
I think you do not misunderstand. In my country, it is customary for lovers to exchange their naked pictures over the computer devices. That is why I sent you my picture with the mango to prove that I was all man. I did not mean to imply that you are the kind of prostitute who takes pictures. You are a much higher class of woman. I will accept your cultural peculiarities, and I hope you will not be offended. You are quite right, I have been doing this all wrong. I have put business in front of pleasure, when I should have been entering pleasure through the back door. I will come to Moscow to meet you, and then I can give you any moneys you might need and secure you a visa to return with me to budapest. I shall simply tie up a few business associates who I have been in negotiations with and come to take you away. I should be able to leave on my private fighter jet, which is navigated by hyper-intelligent monkees, by early tomorrow morning. I will bring a box of money to you, just to prove I am for you. You will meet me tomorrow night at the northeast corner of red square at 23:00 hours. You will recognize me from my pictures, but remember that I am very tall and muscular and I have all of my teeth. I do so look forward to taking you away from all of your troubles. Please be waiting for me, and I will not disappoint. I have included a picture of me wearing a robe made from the skin of the rare plaid emo, a ferocious beast that I killed myself. With my teeth. When you are mine, I shall make you a corset of the same fine hide and we shall wear them together as a sign of our passion.
With manly kisses,
Ok, now YOU send ME money..
My dearest Zinaida!
I am certain you are worried sick after you did not see me at Red Square last night. I am safe, I am so sorry that I could not make it, but my fighter jet had some mechanical problems. This, my dear, is where I am afraid that I have to beg of you to show me a little more of your love. I and my navigators are stuck in this small town in Belarus. Although I have a large box of American money that I was bringing to you, there is so much dollar bills in the box that no-one believes it is real, and I cannot buy the spark plugs I need to repair my jet. I only need 56 rubles, but I cannot use my American money here. I know it is not very much money, and I am embarrassed to ask, but do you think you could use western union to wire me the money so that I can continue on to you? I promise that when I arrive, I will give you my large box of American money, which is worth a million times 56 rubles. Let me tell you how western union works. You just go into the office in your town, and you tell them the name of my navigator, Curious George, and tell them that you want to transfer 56 rubles to him. They will give you a number, called a MTCN, that you must send to me. When I have it, Curious George will go to the western union office and use the money to buy new spark plugs for my fighter jet. Then we will come to get you and take you away. I feel foolish, being so wealthy, having to ask a poor girl like you for money, but it is a small amount, and I hope you have a big heart and will help me. Every woman should help when her man's fighter jet is broken, if you get my meaning. I await your reply with breathlessness.